A slightly over excited gaggle of local journalists clustered round the steps of that massive staircase that doesn’t serve any useful purpose at the front of The Forum this week to watch Tom Riddlemetimbers help Klaus von Derbar wave his arms about in a slightly gay manner following the surprise election of Mr Riddlemetimbers to the position of “door bloke”.

Mr Riddlemetimbers was clearly in a celebratory mood, announcing “this is the end of the Old Forum, this has sent a message to the owners, there’s no turning back now, this is the most important day in history, Geoffrey Boycott, Gary Barlow, Norman Wisdom, Larry Grayson, your boys took one hell of a beating!! There’s no stopping us now, my new regieme will soon take charge and undo 15 years of failed booking poilicies by this tired and confused administration. In less time than it takes a dog to relieve itself against a tree, my school friends and I will give this town what it wants.” Asked to elaborate on the changes from the current line up he would bring about, Mr Riddlemetimbers expanded on his theme; “We want to see hot new bands, a wide range of entertainment, the best in local bands, we want to really give people what they want, not like this tired and confused administration”. When it was pointed out to him that this was exactly what the current administration already had in place, Mr Riddlemetimbers agreed “ah, yes, you see, but they are tired and confused, whereas we are new and shiny and smile a lot. Is that the time? oooo, must dash”.

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