Actual True Facts


Many of you will, by now, have noticed that Blam gets edited at frighteningly infrequent intervals and seemingly on a whim. There’s no rhyme or reason why we do this, no method in our madness, no secret plan to catch you unawares, we just do it when we get time and don’t do it when we don’t have time.

Nonetheless, we recognise that for many of you, life is simply incomplete without a regularly updated free rundown on all the gigs you won’t bother to go to but will later claim to have been at if it makes you look cool. To this end, we would like to invite each and every one of you to review, preview, interview, spout off, mock, publicise, slander and just generally make up whatever you want about whatever it is you want to make it up about and submit it to us so that there’s some sort of rolling content thing. This article is particularly aimed at the several dozen people whose fingers are currently poised over their keyboard on an urgent mission to send us an email bemoaning the lack of mentions to date of their own band, their cousins band, a bloke their mate once met’s band…. we don’t have time to review all the upcoming stuff because there’s too much of it, but we will happily carry whatever you send us in the shape of a ludicrously over the top puff piece thinly veiled as a critical review.

Seriously, if you don’t think there’s enough about you or somebody you care about on this website, send us something and we’ll put it up for you.

Otherwise, shut the fuck up. Eythangu.

Comedy Forum, Tunbridge Wells’ original and best value for money comedy night plays host to FOUR more stand-up comedians as part of its regular ‘First Thursday in the month’ slot.

Ronnie Golden

Ronnie Golden’s journey has been a long and fascinating one; from opening shows for Tom Jones, Scott Walker and Engelbert Humperdinck as a teenaged guitarist, he worked with David Bowie in his Beckenham Arts Lab days then went on to form cult late 70s renegades Fabulous Poodles,” whose album “Mirror Stars” outsold both The Clash and The Jam in America in the early 80’s.

Within a few short weeks of that band’s demise he was doing stand-up at London’s Boulevard Theatre alongside Comic Strip regulars Rik Mayall, Ben Elton, a nascent French and Saunders and Alexei Sayle and performing a legendary ‘Buddy Holly’ in the first series of BBC 2’s “The Young Ones.” He remains the only original member from the Comic Strip team to still be actively working on today’s comedy circuit. There were several guest spots and cameos: he played Tracey Ullman’s ‘son’ in C4’s first “Friday Night Live” then performed with Mac McDonald in “Saturday Live” and was a detective and then a ‘doo-wop’ singer in a couple of Lenny Henry Shows. His voice, regularly heard on “Spitting Image,” was featured on the No.1 single “The Chicken Song/We’re Scared Of Bob.”

Arthur Smith Sings Leonard Cohen,” a two-man piece Ronnie performed with Arthur, won considerable plaudits on the Edinburgh Fringe 2000 and went on to the Ambassadors Theatre in London’s West End. After a period of song-writing and general musical pursuits he’s back to performing his very individual style of stand-up in both this country and in Ireland, Holland and the USA.

Last Edinburgh Festival he was at the Traverse Theatre performing in the sell-out show “Rock Of Ages” alongside the great stand-up and writer Barry Cryer. “Unplugged” – his second show with Barry Cryer – was highly-acclaimed sellout show at the Gilded Balloon during this year’s Edinburgh Festival.

Pam Ford

Standup comedy is a passion of Pam Ford. Her life so far including: growing up in Australia; moving house 25 times!; marrying and divorcing twice; and two not so sweet Aussie kids. Pam has decided its cheaper to perform stand up than go into therapy. Lively and outrageous, juggling both glamorous and bawdy material that would make a sailor blush, she shocks, delights and provides free counselling to poor unsuspecting audience members.
Her performances are not recommended for children, she’ll either eat them or severely traumatize them.

Also appearing tonight will be AMADEUS MARTIN and BEN BRIGGS

Has it come to this? After several years of hastily photocopying randomly typed half thoughts and so called reviews, stacking them in to some semblance of order, tacking a staple somewhere in the vicinity of the middle and then joyfully foisting them on random members of the public in an attempt to vaguely raise the profile of the ne’erdowells that call Forum Towers home, Blam has, sniff, sob, gone all hi tech and will now be published online as some sort of rolling bog or something. We weren’t really listening when it was explained to us to be honest.

Anyway, for better or worse, we have finally decided to take the plunge and move Blam to being an online purveyor of swearing and bad spelling as opposed to the print version. “Why?” I hear our literally legions of fans (Sid and Doris Legion, Sherwood) cry, twisting their knuckles white with despair at the thought of nothing to wipe their arses on next month. Well, we could pretend that we are very worried about the environment, the rainforest depletion, litter, the nearing eruption of Krakatoa or a myriad of other world troubling events, but the truth is that it’s a jolly long way up to Prontaprint on a cold Wednesday, we’re bored of the deadline pressure, and frankly most of you get too drunk to remember you’ve read it in the morning. Our feelings are hurt, and you aren’t returning our phone calls.

So, the all new super improved Blam Online. What’s in it:

Upcoming band previews; they’re all under the category “What’s Coming Up”.

Archives of what’s been on; they’re all in the category “What You Missed”.

Reviews; they’re all in the category “What Did You Think of That Then”. You can send us some if you like and they will go in the mag. Or you can just complain about the review you just read by leaving a comment comparing the author in an unfavourable way with a lamppost or a donkey.

Lies; there’s always been lots of lies in Blam, and we see no need to change a winning formula just cos some clever dick has a wi fi connection. An article containing lies won’t be specially tagged, as nearly all of them do. So there.

True Facts; every so often Blam has something in it which is actually worth reading as opposed to leafing through trying to spot the aforementioned lies. To aid you, the gentle reader, to guess which is which, we will helpfully be signposting articles such as that and will group them under the category “Actual True Facts”.

There are actually some real advantages to going to an online format, like being able to provide you with video and audio of upcoming acts, you being able to comment directly back to articles, links into our Facebook and MySpace groups ……and no more staples pricking our sore little thumbs, so that’s 53p saved on band aids.

So, that’s sort of the idea. Subscribe to this blog, bookmark it, or phone a friend, go 50/50 or do whatever else it is that might lead you to pop by occasionally and catch up on the latest goings on at the jolly old Tunbridge Wells Forum. We promise not to bite.